The Single Mommy Life

Being a single mom of three children has been quiet a journey! Dealing with the challenges of a divorce was hard. However, now the reality of being a single mom became real! Having three children who have different needs hasn't been always easy nor simple. Keeping up with their academics, music lessons, their involvement in church activities, late nights with hardly no sleep due to one or sometimes two them being ill, doctors’ appointments, finances, after school activities,etc. The list can go on and on. It all became very overwhelming. I have had moments thinking if one of them calls me mom one more time, I am going to run. I will be the first to admit that I tried hard in keeping it all together. As much as I tried being strong in front of others, specially my children, I truly wasn't. Truth be told, I didn't want others to see that deep down, I didn’t have it at all together. Many times, I was struggling and felt exhausted physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

Then, meltdowns started! Yes, meltdowns! Trying to be this “have it all together” mom for my kids and others had started reaching it's limits. Keeping up with everything, everyone, and keep it all together all at once created an overwhelming feeling of not being enough. I was stretching myself thin and really feeling like I was doing it all wrong. I have fallen forward more times than I can count! There were so many nights of falling asleep crying telling God I can’t do this! I can't do this without you.

Then in one of those conversations with God, His still tender voice spoke to me telling me, "I didn't call you to have it together, but to rest in me."

Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)

28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Those words were so refreshing! In the middle of the madness of being a single mom, God was calling me to rest in him. He wanted me to take his yoke for it is easy and the burden was light. As I have continued on this single mom journey, I have learned a few things that I want to share with you praying that it will help you continue your single mom journey.

1. Be intentional about time. Set time to be alone with God and his word. It will refresh and re-

energize you. Also take some me time! Yes I said it, me time. Be intentional to set time for

you to do things you enjoy doing without your children. Do not neglect yourself.

2. Learn to rest in Him. When you feel weary and stress, He will give you rest.

3. When you feel like you are not enough for your kids, remind yourself that in God, you are

more than enough. I really wrote this on a sticky note to read it every day.

Now the last lesson I want to share with you is to find the time to connect with others! In connecting and building friendships with other single moms, you will find that you are truly not alone and that you are not weird nor crazy for feeling the way you feel. As I started reaching out, I have made connections with women how are not just single moms but who are remarried and have come out on the other side. Being vulnerable and sharing my heart with these godly women has been such a huge blessing. They have invested time listening, understanding, giving insight, and have shown compassion to my reality. These connections have encouraged me and have lifted my spirits. We have even had moments of laughing over some of the mistakes we have encountered as moms. Learning to reach out has made this journey easier and have shown me that none of us truly have it all together all the time. It is perfectly okay to not be okay. Being vulnerable has strengthen me to keep moving forward. If you don’t have a support group of friends, pray for God to lead you to find the right people to connect with. We were not design to walk on this journey alone. We were designed for relationships! Reach out! We are truly better together!

I want to encourage all my single mothers out there! Girlfriend, let go of trying to have it all together! He just wants you! You don’t have to carry the load of trying to be a perfect parent or try to pretend you have this single mommy thing down pact, let that burden go. Being totally honest, I still have my moments. Moments of feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, alone, and yes once in a while I have meltdowns. However, with God’s grace and amazing friends, it has made the journey worth it. Know that you are perfectly loved by your Maker! He doesn't just keep you, he keeps you together! It is okay to feel messy at times and have moments of not being okay. God can and will help you through it every step of way. Be encouraged my single mommy friend! When you feel like you are just not enough for parenting, know that you are enough! No wait, with Jesus, you are MORE than enough in him! He is the lifter of your head! Take his yoke! It is light and easy. Find rest in him. Everything is going to be alright!

"There is no way to be a perfect mother, just a million ways to be a good one." Jill Churchhill