Single Mom & Dating

Argh! Dating! Dating is a word that I hesitate to use because our culture has such a distorted view on what God calls courting. So, I use this word with caution. It comes from more of a place of talking to someone who has the potential of being a possible spouse. Starting over was scary. Our cultures have changed so much and has come so far from values that matter. As I write I cannot help but laugh at the memories I have when I started this journey, like trying online dating. People are crazy! (lol) I also get sad at the moments that I failed tremendously, however learned from. Being a single woman is hard. Dating as a single mom is even harder. Your children are at the center of everything. This wasn’t as easy as I thought. However, finding my way and learning! I am being vulnerable in sharing these lessons hoping that it will help my single moms out there!

Here we go:

1. Don’t negotiate when it comes to your relationship with the Lord. Ladies, I have learned that when it comes to being unequally yoke, it doesn’t just apply to being with a nonbeliever, but also with being with someone who is a believer. Make sure your values are the same!

2. Don’t fall in love with his potential because girlfriend he may never get there. Keep your eyes on his fruits, his actions, and his character.

3. You are not a project nor anyone’s fixer-upper! Don’t fall into that trap! That is not your job nor responsibility. Do not get stuck with a project or become anyone’s project. Make sure that the work is done before you get involved in any relationship.

4. Don’t compromise your values, standards, or boundaries. Ladies, if he doesn’t respect them and isn’t going to honor them, let it go! If he doesn’t respect them now, what makes you think he will respect them when you get married.​​

5. Watch for red flags and manipulative comments! If he is making any types of comments that are making you feel bad or guilty for your values, run!

6. If that person is recently divorced or if you are recently divorced, make sure that a lot of healing has taken place. Give that person and yourself time to grow and walk through the journey of healing. Rebounds happen all the time. Don’t be anyone’s rebound. Nor carry all that baggage into the next relationship. Allow time to become whole again.

7. Slow it down. Andy Stanley says, with time comes clarity!

8. Ask as many questions as you can. Yes, ask a bunch of them! This is one of the most important decisions you will make for yourself and your children, it is imperative that you have open communication and are able to ask questions. If he gets offended, bothered, or avoids answering then, I will truly question your relationship.

9. Character flaws, we all have them. But make sure you know which ones you are willing to live with and which ones you are not. One character flaw that I kept seeing resurface in my journey in this area was passive aggressiveness. I kept running into guys that had that character flaw and that affects me tremendously. So, I made up my mind that passive aggressiveness was one that I cannot live with.

10. Finally and most importantly, guard the heart of your children. Your children’s heart is so valuable. They are your most prized treasures! Don’t date your kids. They are precious and should be introduce to that person when you know that you have prayfully, with that person, made a conscience decision to spend the rest of your life together. It is also important for that person to understand the dynamics that you have with your children and the dynamics they have with the other biological parent. If that person does not value that and does not understand those dynamics, it is a sign of immaturity. Let it go!

If we were sitting down just having a heart to heart conversation, I would look straight into your eyes and tell you, you are worth the wait! You are God’s beautiful masterpiece. Don’t allow anyone to come and distort the truth of God’s thoughts towards you. Don’t allow anyone to distort the beauty of a healthy relationship or doing things God’s way. You are worth wanting for! You are worth loving! You are worth pursuing! You are worth fighting for! You are worth keeping! Yes, beautiful, you are worthy of being loved by an amazing godly man. Notice I said, amazing not perfect. 😊 Don’t settle for anything less than God’s very best for your life! This journey isn’t easy however, I promise it is worth the wait!