Collateral Beauty

Collateral Beauty

I decided to write out of a place of vulnerability and share some things from my heart. During this time of the year, I am always reminded of the precious gift God has given us, the gift of life! In the month of August I celebrate my sister’s birthday of life, only to then within a few weeks mourn the day when her life was taken away. There are many things that I don’t remember about that year. I guess the mind has a way of protecting itself. However, I remember very well the events of that morning. I remember the gun going off that early morning! Though it gave me chills, I didn’t think much about it since that was the norm in the inner city (the area I lived in). However, little did I know that it was the sound of the beginning of a painful and devastating journey. The rest of that morning was nothing but a nightmare. The moment I open the front door, I was faced with her body, her blood, the screams, the police, and the body bag. It all happened in an instant. Her life was taken selfishly from this world. Taken away from the people that loved her the most. It was one of the scariest moments in my life. It took years to get through the brutal memories, deep hurt, and side effects of it all. At the age of 15, I had to take upon myself responsibilities that no child should ever have to. Some have chosen to not talk about the events of that morning. Others won’t forgive and let it go. Some talk about her smile and how beautiful her smile has always been. Others still carry the guilt of what if I should have done or not done to prevent it. Many unanswered questions in many hearts.

However, one of the many lessons I have learned to be true in life is that nothing just happens! Jesus already knew about the events of that morning. It wasn’t a surprise to God! Yes, God did not orchestrate it, but He within his sovereignty had her days counted. Albert Einstein stated, “God did not create evil. Just as darkness is the absence of light. Evil is the absence of God.” Unfortunately, evil was at work. However, I strongly believe that even when evil is at work, nothing just happens. God knew and has turned it all around!

My sister’s death was truly collateral damage in the lives of many people. However, collateral damage remains collateral damage only if you remain stuck in it and do not release it to move on. I love the movie Collateral Beauty! It was beautiful. I also love the movie, The Shack. Both movies bring such a powerful perspective on tragedy. I thought about my sister as I watched both. Side note: If you haven’t seen them, I recommend you do. I fell in love with one of the quotes from Collateral Beauty which states, “Just be sure to notice the collateral beauty!” Wow! You might be asking, “How can you see any beauty in the murder of your sister?” Glad you asked. In God’s eyes, it is when God takes our ashes and make it into something beautiful. There are beauties in life we won’t see any other way, except through collateral damage. There is a beauty that emerges through tragedy, only if you allow God to heal your soul, you will be able to see it and embrace it. Here are some of the collateral beauties I have found through the tragedy of Jazmin’s life being taken away:

1. The beauty of forgiveness. Forgiveness is a powerful beauty! It is done by making a choice and allowing God to help our feelings line up to that choice. I made a choice to forgive. Through the strength and courage that the Holy Spirit has given me, I have been able to forgive. I was able through Jesus to forgive the person who murdered her. It has released my heart from bitterness and from looking at life through the wrong perspective. It is a beautiful gift. There is a beauty I have found in letting go. I see the beauty in my own scar from this event.

2. The beauty of sisterhood. I have the most amazing girlfriends. I value them and cherish them tremendously. For years, I had that void of not having a sister. However, as I allowed God to restore my heart, I have developed the most amazing sister relationships in the world. They truly are family and help tremendously with that void. It has been filled with God and the joy of friendships that last a lifetime. I wouldn’t have been able to do this if I didn’t see the beauty in this tragedy.

3. The beauty of parenting; As a parent, I learned that my kids truly belong to God. They don’t belong to me. God entrusted me with them to raise them, but at the end of the day their lives belong to God. Knowing this truth helps me understand that God loves them more than I do. He does a much better job at caring for them too. I see the beauty in them! I treasure those small moments when they don’t notice I am watching them and they do the cutest things. Though at times as a parent I can worry about them, I have the beauty of knowing that at the end of the day, their lives are in the hands of their creator.

4. The beauty of life! Life is so precious! It’s something we take for granted. Our days are counted and yet we choose to just settle in life.

James 4:14 (NLT)

How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow?

Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone.

My friend, live life to the fullest! Laugh, love, and live the life of freedom God has given us. Jesus says that he came so that we may have life, a GREAT FULL LIFE! Live your life in God my friend! Be intentional! God has designed for us to live a full life! Not a collateral damage free life but a great one. See the beauty in life! It is beautiful!

John 10:10 (NLT)

The robber comes only to steal and to kill and to destroy.

I came so they might have life, a great full life.

5. The beauty of hope! The most powerful beauty I have received from this tragedy is the beauty of hope! There is HOPE! A hope that can be found only in Jesus. We are never alone. God was with me every step of the way. He held me tight on those nights of grieving. He held my hand as I laid her body down to rest. He held me every time when I found myself in a corner filled with fear. He held me tight in bed those moments I couldn’t stand the pain. God was with me in those dark moments. His Word promises us that He will never leave us nor forsake us and I can see it now more than ever. I look back now and can see when He was with me. He never abandoned me nor left me. It brings tears to my eyes to know that in the darkest moments, when I felt scared and alone, God the creator of the heavens and the earth was right there with me in my dark places. His love is always present! We just need to take the time to be aware of it. There is hope!

I want to be clear. The loss of her life still saddens me. Yes, I do have my moments of having an ugly cry. I miss her and would be lying if I told you I didn’t. However, I cry out of a place of missing her more than I do pain. Her life has given me beauties that I cherish tremendously today.

I do not know what collateral damage you have had to experience. I do not know what dark places you have walked through in life, however, my friend there is a beauty that can emerge from it if you allow God to take those ashes and transformed them into something beautiful. He is the master in taking brokenness and making it into a beautiful masterpiece. All it takes is for you to surrender it to him. He will fill you with joy. Collateral damage can happen to anyone! However, my friend when it happens just be sure to notice the collateral beauty! Don’t miss it!